"Lord please give me the strength to be a rock for my children...."

5:30AM...My 4 year old son comes running into my room and turns on my overhead light.

"Please turn out my light buddy you're going to wake up Lucy" "Mommy I pooped, can I please have some chocolate milk, circle cereals and a couch bed now??" "Max...honey its dark outside and everyone in the world is still sleeping you need to go back to bed." "But mommy I pooooooped wanna smell my butt?? "Ugh Max...no honey I don't want to smell your butt...why did you poop in your pullup?? "I dunno, can I have some chocolate milk, circle cereals and a couch bed pleeeeeease?"

This had been going on pretty much every morning for the last 2 years... I would wake up and go through the same routine day in and day out...Max's day was not quite right if he didn't wake me up with a poopy pullup and demand his sippy cup of chocolate milk, bowl of dry "mother's" peanut butter cereal and that I cover our cold $30 yard sale leather couches with blankets and pillows so that he could watch noggin like a king...at 5:30 am. So, I'd get up every day...make some bad mommy comment about how I was tired of wiping smooshed poop off of his butt, snap at him to keep his voice down a few times while constructed a "couch bed" for the 2000th day in a row. I'd make sure the doors will all locked and I'd stumble cranky back to bed in hopes to get just 1 more hour of sleep.

This week was different, for the first time ever Max found his own way in the morning... took his clean, dry pullup off and put on fresh underwear... helped himself to the dry goods in the kitchen, set himself up downstairs and spoke a little softer. And I think..."Wait a second, what happened overnight to my baby boy???" Ironically, I don't know how to feel about this sudden change... on one hand I am praising the Lord that my day is no longer being launched with "I pooped mommy,wanna smell my butt?"...proud mama of a little boy leveling up in life. On the other hand I am feeling a little spot of emptiness that those days are gone...and perhaps I should have done those things for him with a lighter heart.

I have prayed "Lord please give me strength to be rock for my children, to be grateful for the things I may take for granted everyday...to speak a little less harshly to your precious gifts and grant me the patience to listen more." In response the Lord has surround me with other fabulous christian mothers/women that simply know my heart. Who have unknowingly renewed my faith in Christ, given me the tools to parent the way that pleases him...So that I may have joy and fullness in my heart. I have heard read some stories this week on blogs written my mamas like you that have made me laugh out loud and outright sob...I want you to know that I appreciate everyone for your willingness to share so candidly your private lives...your outreach is invaluable. (hugs)