Max and Lady Katy Christmas Wishes...Adventures of Mad Max...what were you thinking???

Because Max is such a spirited child I have had to modify some routines to make sure he gets the intellectual stimulation that he needs. Max would rather scale the walls of his bedroom than sit and quietly and read a book with me. So we have changed it up a bit in the last year or so with the introduction of the Adventures of Mad Max and Growly ghost (his pet name for Katy). I start the story and then prompt Max to add in...we will take turns until.....duh ta duuuuh...."Mad Max SAAAAAVES the DAY!!!" This is our special time together...last night Max wanted to tell it all by himself. I made sure to get it on camera. He doesn't make a whole lot of sense and its really dark because we were getting ready for be...but its too cute to miss out on just the same: ) I turned the music off on my blog to save you that time... you might want to turn the brightness up on your screen if you want to see him.

After the story, we talked about Christmas a little bit...I asked him what he was wishing for Santa to bring him. So we decided to send Santa a video message. Here it is (wink, wink)

Of course Katy wanted to send Santa a video message also...If you cant tell by my voice it was the end of the day...lol :)

Oh and GiGi, while I was on the phone with you today and had to promptly exit the conversation. This is what my kids were feeding the fish. Yes my friends, that is two freight cars and a Mr. potato head...never boring.

my grandmother...finding peace

Its really late and I should be in bed sleeping...the rest of my family is. I am behind on making my Christmas gifts so I'm playing a little catch up while its quiet in my house. I don't really have much quiet time in my life...obviously I'm pretty busy. Since the word that my grandmother was sick and the trip to Connecticut I've not really reflected on my feelings about this. I see everyone around me grieving and finding closure with the fact that she is no longer with us...but I've not yet reflected on my own feelings until just now. Truly, I have never lossed someone I really loved and cared for until she passed. I've heard that some people grieve instantly at the thought of someone close to them dying...I wasn't one of them... I think deep down inside I was in denial that soon she would never be with us anymore.

The real reflection is that although my father Joe is not my "biological" father...but he has NEVER felt to me anything less than that. I love him so much that my heart tears in two thinking of anything ever happening to him. Grandma Landino scooped me up at three years old, and all of my fathers family treated me from the beginning as if I was there own flesh and blood. It was because I felt so close to grandma and THAT family that I literally felt like there Italian flesh and blood...feeling this brought me closer to my dad growing up. I would tell people at school that I was part Romanian part Italian and even did school projects on that heritage...I was (am) so proud to be a Landino.

I remember loud Italian holiday dinners...grandma was an incredible cook. It amazes me how much grace and charm she had amongst so much chaos in her home. My father has 4 sisters and 1 bother (bobby died a few years ago to cancer also)...when we were all together it was crazy...loud...and so much fun. This was familiar and comfortable. My mom would always joke about us being the two blonde oddballs...but I never really took that to heart...I was a Landino...no matter how much different I was from them at times.

I remember how much she loved my grandfather...those two were married for over 50 years. I picture how sweetly she cared for him...rubbing his shoulders and kissing the top of his bald head.

I remember how much she loved my brother and I, and how her face would light up every time she would see us. It made me feel so welcomed and wonderful. I looked forward to visiting her every year.

I remember how she cared for herself. I have particular memories of watching her put her make-up on at the kitchen table...and thinking I hope my skin looks as pretty as hers when I am at her age.

I remember how she really listened when I spoke, like there wasn't anything more important then what I had to say...she really made me feel like I was something pretty darn special.

I remember the first time she held my son...and how the love in her eyes lit up the room. I felt so honored to bring something into this world that could create so much joy.

I will always remember the last time I saw her, she was holding my newest baby Lucy and my baby nephew Joey... that image is still fresh in my mind. I felt so wonderful that I could bring her that joy one more time before I said goodbye.

Little did I know, that was my last goodbye. My heart has a little empty spot now that can never be refilled. Its really weird, I can't imagine that my life will be missing someone so profound. My heart goes to my father and his siblings who are now without a mother...I cannot imagine how that must feel (I don't even want to think about it) and more so for Grandpa Landino who has lost his soul mate. I pray that he finds some peace in his heart to go about day to day life without her.

Anyway, (sigh) I don't think I have completely felt what I need to... I know I haven't found my peace yet. It will defiantly be nice spending this Christmas with my father at home...I thought that he would be away for sometime helping to keep Grandma as comfortable as possible while she went through that process. I am grateful he is here now. I'm tired. Going to bed now.

Family Fun

Sorry I haven't blogged in a few days...its been pretty busy around here. The holidays are quickly approaching and there is alot of planning and preparation to make sure that we fit all family time in. Saturday we were blessed with a visit from Joe and Jackie...Andy's father and stepmother. I can tell that they really enjoyed spending time with us and the kids. Andy was amazing helping me get the house ready... its a tough job with little monkeys running and jumping everywhere...always getting into stuff. I would have been stressed out to the hilt if he had not helped me out....thanks babe! I don't do well entertaining, my mother and step mom set a beautiful table and always have the house so nicely decorated for guests... I'm just not into it. I am slowly coming around with decorations during holidays because of the kids... but it doesn't usually strike me as important.(I don't push things in my life that will cause me unnecessary stress) Plus the kids are still at the age where they don't get that everything is NOT a toy... they probably broke at least 6 ornaments already... once again, why its not sooo important to me yet.

However, the kids are grasping the "Christmas" concept... and are getting really excited about Santa coming. I tell the kids that its Jesus's birthday and because Jesus is so selfless...he shares all his birthday gifts with people all over the world. Santa is just the delivery guy :)

The kids were funny yesterday, I came into the playroom to find them doing this....(the video is still processing so it may take sometime until it shows up here)

Max's Christmas Program 2008~Grandma Landino

Max had his preschool Christmas music thing yesterday...he was really cute walking up with his class to sing belt out Christmas carols...of course Katy wanted to be in on the action. As soon as she figured out what was going on, and she saw big brother Max on stage...she bolted up the Isle and hopped up on stage next to Max. They were sooooo funny up there, Max was trying to give Katy a quick debriefing on what she needed to do and how she needed to stand. Between hugs from the two I could clearly hear them singing every other word from the back of the fellowship hall. I'm sorry the video is so shaky Andy brought the photo camera to do the documenting with so its pretty bad.

Grandma Landino passed away yesterday afternoon...her funeral will be held this weekend in Conn. I will be staying home with my family... love you Grandma, say hello to Bobby for us... you will be missed but I will see you again one day.

Bundleboo in a fashion show!!!

I just found this clip on YouTube by accident. We were vendors at this Expo in DC... I'm excited someone took a video of our carriers in this show:) And of course everyone else in the show :)

Nostalgia

So "Gamma" (AKA Andy's mom) saved some of Andy's favorite childhood toys and recently gave them back to Andy after 25 years! The toys seemed to spark some really serious nostalgia as he gets excited turning the transformer into a "boom box" tape player... And even the tape is another transformer!!!!!!!!!!!! Look at this eject button Max! Sooo darn cute! In the top picture Andy looks like he just got back from a grueling visit with the Dentist.... no, I think he was just doing sound effects.(lol) The bottom picture was of Andy's GI Joe tank. Its really cool that Rosie kept these things for him. Max seems to love them just as much!

validation and communication

Tonight was not a good night. Not at all. As a woman, wife and mother I am realizing that I really need to reconfigure where I get my validation from. Speaking frankly and from my heart, I am a person that tends to be bit of an overachiever. I was blessed with many talents...but my biggest weakness comes from the fact that I need to be validated to feel that I'm good at anything. Before children I was easily validated and found instant gratification with my job... seeing that my actions were making a profound impact on the lives of other people around me. For those that don't know me, I was a career paramedic and a local volunteer. Saving or sustaining life was an easy and obvious validation... words didn't need to tell me that I was making a difference with what I did. Everything changed after I had kids...and the priorities in my life shifted. Being a stay at home mom means everything to me... but its a thankless lonely job (most days). And yes, its a job... one that I love more than anything in this world...and the price of my selflessness WAY out weighs the countless ... thankless... years. As an overachiever I tend to think I can do everything... take care of a home, raise three children, run a business, be a good wife, daughter and friend, keep hobbies and interests.

My grandmother put it profoundly to me the other day... nobody can do EVERYTHING .... something has to give. I don't think that comment was intended or directed at me... she is very proud of everything I have accomplished... but what she says is still ringing in my head. Especially after the blowout fight I had with my husband tonight. I can't help but take failure personally. My husband is the person in my life that I need the most validation from... I expect that when my emotional/physical "giving well" is running dry and he will help fill it up. Our life "rolls" have kept us both so occupied over the last 5 years (since we've had children) that there is little room left for the much needed validation...the time and appreciation that is needed to get us "caught up" is just not there. So where does that leave me?

I feel that I stockpile validation from friends and family with the good things that I do...to keep going with what it is that I do. I expect some validation from him because he is the most profound person in my life... and as an emotional female... I assumed (which seems to be what gets me in the biggest trouble) that those things would come naturally in a marriage. I know that he tries his hardest to be a good husband and father... and he really is...we are just so different that it makes "communications" about needs and priorities soooo hard sometimes. I tend to "listen" emotionally... instead of "logically" and that really is what he requires for the good harmony (I can't seem to be morelogical than emotional) Most men from what I've seen... are creatures of routine, structure, balance and stability. I am NONE of the above. I appreciate an unpredictable day... I get bored with routine... I like to try new things until I'm good at it... then stop. But with these aspects that make me ME...It makes for a pretty unstable environment for someone that is regulations and structure oriented. Honestly, raising my children and running my business is the only thing that I have been consistent with for as long as I can remember. ... I think that's because these things leave plenty of room for growth and improvement. (obviously no matter how hard parenting gets...I can NEVER give up on my kids)

So this all leaves me with one question... how do I validate ME? Enough to fill my well without the help of others? To veer away from the selfish aspect of living FOR validation... and start seeking within...taking all pressure off of the people who I care about (whether they realize I'm doing it or not)

sleeping sweetness~scissors~books

Lucy was so cute sleeping on my bed this morning...I just couldn't help but snap a few of her. This little skunk slept from 9:00 last night until 7:45 this morning in her crib!!! I think that Andy's snoring was keeping her up at night while she was sleeping in our room. All three of them are taking naps right now... I can't believe it! How did I get so lucky today??

Yes, Katy was allowed to play with scissors this morning...supervised of course. Any got the kids safety scissors and Katy has been busy making confetti for new years!

I feel really bad about this one, the kids got a hold of one of the Library books we borrowed and destroyed it...I mean, really...ripped all the pages out and tore them up also. What the heck! I was pretty frustrated about this one yesterday. How does one go about replacing a library book...I wonder if they will accept a monetary replacement or they expect me to find the book and buy an new one.

Have your kids put you in this spot before?

Camera play

My mom paid me a really nice compliment this morning about my photos...I never really thought anything of my ability to photograph. So I played around this morning with my camera settings and paid attention to what I was doing with the intent to get fun shots. This is what I came up with.

We had a pretty lazy day...the kids played with the train under the christmas tree until naps...Lucy was up and down with her moods all day... still fussy from her puppy shots the other day. Max was an angel child until his train would no longer cooperate with him then he wanted to break everything. I wouldn't let him break one of his toys so he told me "Mommy, I don't like you anymore." I was able to snap a photo of his face while he was telling me this. He loves me again. Who knows how he will feel in an hour...my little manic Max.

Pancakes, Bonzai and Tall tales

Lucy was halarious this morning, she is a BIG eater!!! I still nurse her atleast 8 times a day, snacks constantly and still gets really pissed at you if you don't share YOUR food with her. This morning was homemade pancake day...Katy had a blast helping me destroy flip the pancakes. This was the result of Lucy 3 pancakes later. Wowza!

So while Katy and I were upstairs cooking breakfast Max was playing "evil kanevil" down stairs in the family room... folks, this kind of stuff happens everyday in my house. This is 10 times better than it was even 6 months ago. Max squeezed his Butt into the Johnny jump-up and latched it onto the stair railing on the foyer level... removed all the cushions from the couch and was trying to jump from the foyer onto the cushions on the floor. (sigh)

So, recently Max has been testing me with defiance. UGH! He is at the age where he is really grasping the concept that there are clear consequences to his actions. And I am a stickler for the rules. I do try to pick my battles wisely, but it has been a challenge to do so with a spirited child. Max gets bored very easily, as a result he often gets into things that clearly I would never approve of...IE: kitchen knives, permanent markers, scissors...bungee jumping in the house... you know the usual OMG what were you thinking. (I desperately try to eliminate the temptations, but this booger is waaaay to smart for his own good)

Now he has moved onto..."Katy did it"... and Ro-Burger...you know, the big brother lover that she is... follows his lead with the "Max did it" comeback. You can imagine how tiring that gets. I try hard not to over-react to things if he is willing to tell me the truth. We have always had that rule... The lie is MUCH worse than the action ... I've learned that very well growing up.

How do you deal with a child who plays with defiance???

(HA! notice the screwdriver in Katy's hand...probably why they were hiding under the table :)